ORLANDO - The multi-dimensional Magic -- awfully deserving of a seven-game series decided at the buzzer for deposing the Celtics, postponing King James' coronation and turning Kobe into Derek Fisher's caddy -- malfunction so often at critical times, Stan Van Gundy should have to pay to get into Game 5 today . . . scalper's price.

I cannot write it any more delicately than that.

Not after witnessing the Magic mutually mutilate sure success in Game 4 that would've stalemated the Finals at two apiece.

Not after observing one team member after another choke, gag, unravel, apple, fold up along the dotted lines and freeze.

Not after watching Jameer Nelson's baby-blanket coverage of Fisher on his regulation game-tying 3. It was as if he were trying to sell the square footage of a New York City apartment, zaps Clear Channel's Gerry Vaillancourt: "See how much room you have?"

Jeff Van Gundy wasted no time in correctly scolding Nelson for not "crowding" Fisher above the arc, playing him instead for an irrelevant lay-up.

Conversely, ABC's sit-down comic was disinclined to waste his breath attending to the Magic's mistake coach, a noticeably mute effort to absolve his older brother of any blame on the blunder, as if he were an innocent bystander.

Players, referees, the NBA office and anyone else with a tattooed name, rank and serial number are fair game for Jeff Van Gundy to second guess, chew out and mock . . . exempting coaches, especially Stan the Mannequin. Not a disparaging word was heard about a failure to insure someone more arresting than the 5-foot-10 Nelson was guarding Fisher; someone like 6-foot 3 Anthony Johnson (remember him?) or 6-foot-3 Courtney Lee.

And, unless I'm going deaf as well as blind, there also was no mention of the wretched failure to foul Fisher before he took root to shoot.

How many games must be lost before it dawns on players and coaches and commentators in need of canes for the brain that it's more advantageous to put an opponent on the line for two free throws rather than recklessly provide an opportunity to deadbolt matters with a trey?